38 Weeks: Fabulous Fetus

2 more weeks! 2 more weeks! 2 more weeks!

My pain is clearing up, which is a relief in many ways. I also had an ultrasound this morning, and Keiki the leek is measuring 8.2 lbs (+/- 1lb, but they estimated that the baby’s probably under 8 lbs), and the head is in proportion to the rest of the body (no big pumpkin head right now). I believe the radiologist’s words were, “Baby is looking fabulous.” And who doesn’t like to hear about her fabulous fetus? Overall, it looks like I’m measuring about a week ahead, so that’s pretty good.

For most of the afternoon, I felt so happy and really giddy. We are down to the last two weeks, and my VBAC chances are looking better and better.

This pregnancy has been so different from the first time around. With Jacob, we knew the sex, he was named at 20 weeks, and around this time, we scheduled the induction and family visits; so much was planned to a T. I think I felt so much anxiety under the surface, which drove my need for structure and planning to provide comfort.

In contrast, we don’t know the sex, we have ideas about names but no final choices, we don’t know how Keiki is coming out, and we have no immediate postpartum visits planned. I have said “I don’t know” so much during this pregnancy, and I’m finding that I kind of like it.

When I was a kid, I spent as much of my summer as possible in the Atlantic Ocean. On rough surf days, I would often find myself with a few bruises and a bathing suit (if I was lucky) or mouthful (if I was not) of sand as I fought the scary pull of the water that could tumble me around like a sock in a washing machine. On the few times that I could relax my body into the movement of the ocean, I would find myself safely ashore, and while the sand up the butt was not always avoidable, I could certainly avoid a few bumps and bruises.

Today I felt like I was relaxing into the tumbling undertow that pregnancy can be sometimes. As I imagined the increased possibility of VBAC, I’m looking forward to that journey and hope it works out. I can envision the pain of labor, but it is a good pain, a pain with a purpose, and as strange as it may sound, I can imagine enjoying it. Even now, as Keiki head butts my cervix, it is a sharp, stabbing feeling, but I think to myself, ‘Go, Keiki go!” as I know that it means that my body is preparing for something big. And even if that ends in surgery, that is okay. Right now, I am enjoying the feeling of sweet surrender to whatever the next two weeks bring.

And this is why I write, because tomorrow my abdomen pain may be back and that C-Section could be on like Donkey Kong.