37 Weeks: Not so neutral swiss chard

37 Weeks = Full Term = Let the jumping jacks commence!!

In all seriousness, it feels so good to be full term. Despite mind-boggling nausea for half of this pregnancy, overall things have gone pretty well. I'm starting to learn energy moderation and have been able to still enjoy things like making dinner and stroller striding without feeling like I'm going to collapse. Unfortunately I am down with a head cold that is making me a fusspot and giving Jacob a run for his money right now, but I’m trying to be patient since I can’t take lots of decongestants and whatnot, but god bless Benadryl and the United States of America! (I will give some context to that in a post someday, I promise)

Unlike my little chard within, I am not feeling so Swiss (neutral – I know, lame wordplay, but Babycenter is not giving me much!). I’m leaning more into the VBAC camp, but not ready to fully get on board with either decision. I will have an ultrasound next week that I may allow to decide my fate for me if Keiki is looking like another almost 10 pounder.

While part of me doesn’t want to make a decision before my due date, there is another part of me that just wants to decide already and be done with this. It is really hard work to slog through my labor, delivery and aftermath with Jacob and the emotional scars it left; all the fears that I have about my impending birth experience with Keiki. There is part of me that knows that it’s not just about this birth experience, and that if I don’t sit with my ambivalence and fear, it will manifest itself somewhere else in my life. Whoah, is that too Oprah for a blogger that responds to her junk mail? Well, let’s face it people, I’m kind of Oprah. Let’s just say that feeling my feelings are kind of hard for me, and all this feeling stuff and growing can be really draining.

I’m trying to see the up side. If I keep up this work,  then I’ll have something to hold over Keiki when he/she is 15: “Do you know how many feelings I had to feel, how many tissues I used and how much therapy I went through to be a good mother to you?! Now just pick up your damn room!” Not as good as the guilt I can hold over Jacob, what with the “I went through surgery so you could come out with a nice round head, fella!” Oh well, it’s a start.