38 Week Checkup, Stats & Baby Mama Drama

BP: 134/74 (highest so far, but still in the normal range)
Fundal Height: 40 cm
Weight: No change
Cervix: 50% effaced, dilated .5 cm
Other: See Below
So last Friday, I woke up and couldn’t move without pain in my lower abdomen. I was mostly okay when sitting (working on the computer is most of what I do) so I got distracted by my work and felt okay except when getting up to eat, etc. I was a little worried, but figured I’d give it until Saturday before doing something about it since I wasn’t having contractions, just pain.

On Saturday, I was still in pain but thought I could go to Stroller Strides and walk it off (erm, denial much?). There were some rain showers, and it turns out SS was cancelled so we thought we would just take a walk. I could barely walk about 50 feet before I just stopped and started sobbing. Combine pregnancy hormones and scary pain that is not contractions (along with decreased fetal movement), and that’s what you get, I guess. So I hobbled back to the car and had Josh call my Dr, since I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to string two sentences together. A couple of hours later, we were on our way to the hospital for a nonstress test and an ad-hoc test run for Keiki’s delivery.

Since children under 16 are not allowed in labor & delivery (H1N1), we had to come up with an impromptu plan for Jacob. Luckily our neighbors were home and happy to take him, so he played with their four year old and watched some Lightning McQueen while Josh came back to the hospital to be with me. We have friends who will be with Jacob while I’m at the hospital, but they are about 30 min away, so we are lucky to have great neighbors to fill that gap if needed.

A nonstress test, despite its name, is more of a stress test. Basically, you lie in a hospital bed with a fetal monitor attached to your belly to track the baby’s heartbeat and contractions if any. They have a certain number of heartbeat accelerations that they want to see in an hour to demonstrate that the baby is healthy and active. Good ole Keiki gave them what they were looking four in 10 minutes, and during the hour I was monitored, she/he moved more than in the previous 36 hours! I felt sort of silly, but relieved and still glad that I got things checked out. Most likely Keiki has been moving down and is now putting more pressure on my scar and so my lower abdomen is not a happy camper. I was told to stay on bed rest and see my doc ASAP, which brings us back to this morning.

After hearing more about my weekend, Dr. B told me that if she checked me and I was still closed up, we could do the C-Section this week if the pain does not subside. And while I admit to waffling back and forth this pregnancy, my eyes bugged out like Joey Tribiani in that episode (“The One with the Kips”) of Friends when he realizes that Monica and Chandler are sleeping together. Dr. B’s thinking is that if I am in a lot of pain, she doesn’t want me to stay pregnant if I don’t want to, especially since I’m full term.

My visceral reaction to this option finally helped me realize what I think I've been unwilling to let myself see: that unless it’s medically necessary, I don’t want a C-Section. That may change if this pain does not go away this week, but right now I can deal with it. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday to check out the size of this kid, and if it shows that Keiki is looking like a 10 pounder that may change my tune, but as of now, I’m medically clear to still wait until my due date, and then I am willing to schedule a C-Section for Friday, February 12 (mark your calendars, Internet!).

My bug-eyed response was both a confirmation of what I want in my heart, but also excitement and temptation. If I have a C-Section this week, I get to meet Keiki, and I’m so ready to meet him/her. That temptation is huge, not only because I get to meet this child I’ve been dreaming about, but there is also the fact that my decision will be made. No more waffling, no more VBAC/C-Section debate, and as helpful as this process has been, I’m sure ready for it to be over. I had a flash of relief, as if I move forward with a scheduled C-Section will tie up loose ends and I’ll know what’s going to happen and can plan for it, and that sounds so comforting right now.

And yet.

I’ve spent the last 5 months or so blogging my way through my fears and anxieties about things that I can’t control, and so I want to see it through. I want to continue to sit with the ambivalence as long as I can without being a risk to myself or Keiki. And again, what I love about Dr. B is that she gives it to me straight. Today I told her, “I want a VBAC, but I don’t want that to cloud my judgment and make decisions that may put myself at risk.” Her response was that medically speaking, I’m still in the green for VBAC. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday, which will give us both more information, and we agreed on some more parameters about what would be okay if I do go into labor, but I’m not locked into surgery just yet.

This may all change by the end of this week if the current pain/discomfort doesn’t improve, but so far, it has. Saturday morning’s walk was about 7-8 on the pain scale, and today I’m getting down to a 5 or so, and it feels less like pain, and more like soreness, so that’s good. I’ll keep you posted!