22 Weeks: Does this baby make my butt look fat?

Well, our little spaghetti squash is moving right along. I had a very good appt this week. I received the results of my glucose screening (nice and low at 117) and I don’t have to do the dreaded 3 hour test that I experienced with Jacob. Blood pressure is also still low, Keiki’s moving around like a little dolphin, and the heartbeat looks good. All good things, for which I should be very grateful.

Instead, I’m a bit obsessed with is my 20 lb weight gain. I started out the pregnancy on the plus size side of things, and already have enough issues about my body, which are not helped with the alien invasion that let’s me know that I am definitely not in charge. Last time around, I gained A LOT of weight. In the first trimester alone I gained 13 lbs, mainly due to the fact that McDonald’s was one of the few foods that quelled my nausea, and I felt too sick and tired to exercise. I was so emotionally spent by being sick 24 hours a day and thinking it would never stop that I just gave up on everything.

This time, I’ve been able to workout through the nausea, and find healthy foods like crisp apples and watermelon. I’m more prepared emotionally to tackle the harder parts of pregnancy. My doctor is not concerned about my weight, but I guess it’s the one thing that I think I can control. Some days I step on the scale and it’s gone up 2 or 3 lbs that don’t go away. Intellectually I know that I am gaining blood and fluid, along with baby, and that I’m not eating 10,000s of calories each day, but it’s still disconcerting.

This, of course, is one of the many lessons of parenthood, in that whatever your issue is, pregnancy and parenting are sure to bring it up in your face.

So you’re a neat freak? Guess, what, you are going to get a kid with exploding poop and spitting up after every meal, I can guarantee it. Are you a bit shy? Let me introduce you to your son, who will engage every check out clerk that you encounter. Trust me, whatever your “thing” is; your child will make you face it. And that is a good thing.

I can be very mindless when it comes to self-care, and pregnancy is a daily reminder to be in my body, and that what I eat has a consequence. If I eat to much or not enough, I get violently ill, and I am forced to pay attention to my body and its needs on an hourly basis. This is a challenge, as I would much rather focus on other things than myself.

I know that as a parent, if I don’t give myself the basic love and care that my body and mind needs, not only am I unable to be the best Mom I can be, I am teaching my son that self-care is not a worthy endeavor, and I do not want him to learn that lesson. So I’m trying to be kind, to myself and the little gourd within.