19 Weeks: Letter to my body

Dear Self,

This may sound critical, but please filter my complaints through the lens of hormones and know that I am so appreciative that you are protecting and growing a living human being, which is hard work! Overall, you are doing a great job, but there are a couple of bones that I'd like to pick with you.

Bladder: Dude, your behavior is SO not cool. Please stop messing with me. I keep running to the bathroom, convinced I’m about to pee myself, only to find that there are 2, maybe three tablespoons of liquid ready to come out. This is unprofessional (running and/or peeing myself at work) and needs to stop. If this is retaliation because I'm a bit dehydrated, I’m trying to get over the fact that water makes me gag.

Please
Give
Me
A
Break!

Boobs: Ladies, it’s time to slow down. I’m serious here. I’ll focus on laying of the chocolate Riesen at work if you please stop growing. This is not a race, and if it were, you win.

Belly: You, my friend, are doing just fine. Keep on growing so people stop thinking that I’m cultivating a drinking problem and realize that I am pregnant, not a bloated alcoholic. Sorry, that was the self conscious hormones talking. Seriously, I like it when you get big and round, so keep up the good work!