Keiki, it looks like this week you are a plain old regular cabbage (Napa? Sonoma? Napa! Napa! Napa!). Ten more weeks and you should be here! I know this, not because I am clairvoyant, but my doctor and I have agreed that there will be no lingering in the hot tub for you, young (gender to be determined)!
Try not to come exactly on time, eh? Your cousin’s first birthday is your due date, and the double fun of a joint birthday may not be all that fun in a few years. As it stands your grand entrance may overshadow her first shot at real sugar, so you’ll have your work cut out for you.
Hear that? Oh, that’s God laughing his butt off as I tell you what to do. What am I thinking? You just do your thing little Keiki. Although if doing your thing means head-butting my cervix one more time (seriously, it’s like an ice pick!), you are totally grounded.
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