Monkey Brain

Is is me, or does Madonna's face look more and more like silly putty with each passing year?

Someone is looking to get slapped

Dear Gisele,

Please stop talking. Just close your mouth before you alienate every red blooded American woman, and maybe even some empathetic and evolved fathers.

I mean, first it started out small, little things like the fact that you had a water birth in the bathtub of the home that you share with husband Tom Brady. No big whoop, right?

And then you start running your mouth. About how you never wore maternity clothes, just made some small changes in the belly of your current clothes. About how you have no nanny and looooooove being awake every 2 hours.

But the cherry on this sundae? That you didn’t feel pain during labor?!

Woman, do you see what you are doing? Not only are you making thousands, if not millions, of mothers hate you, you are breeding a new generation of mothers to hate you. Presumably your fan base is mostly young and male, who now stupidly think that their future wives and baby mommas should not only stay thin during pregnancy, but what are they whining about these pesky contractions?

For the love of all things holy, blame it on post-partum mania and shut it!

Sincerely,

Monkey Brain

Feedback to the producers of the Golden Globes

I may get some bad Karma for saying this (and will deny all and blame it on late-pregnancy bitchiness), but I think that the speech time for the Golden Globes should be determined by how famous you are. For example, Meryl Streep gets 2 minutes because we know who she is and she has something great to say. The producer of Grey Gardens, however, would only get 15-20 seconds because no one knows who the heckadeedoodle she is. In the meantime, thank god for Tivo. Okay, bring on the handbasket!